Corrupted literature

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend appearing on the shelves of my local bookstore (yes, a bookstore still exists around here and it isn’t even a chain store). I’m referring to the publication of modern renditions of classics of literature, bent to include zombies, vampires, werewolves and other monsters. You’ve probably seen these yourself. I think the first was Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I took a quick inventory today and found these other titles:

  • Android Karenina
  • Little Women and Werewolves
  • Jane Slayer
  • and, while not a warped piece of literature, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is disturbing in and of itself.

I have no doubt that this list is incomplete and other titles are on the way. I’m not going to get into a diatribe about how this reflects on the youth of today — and I have no doubt that these books are aimed at the same demographic that absorbs the Twilight books. But I’d like to make a modest proposal. Let’s put the shoe on the other foot. Let’s publish some of the classic horror stories stripped of the macabre and laced with the mundane.

For example, how about Dr. Frankenstein, Proctologist to the Stars? We could publish, Fall of the House of Usher, And Other Stories from a Demolition Expert’s Day and the slightly naughty Turn of the Screw: A Victorian Hooker’s Tale. There could be The Mummy, Embalming and the Married Man.

Some of these re-imagined stories could still be horrifying. For instance, Count Dracula: When an IRS Audit Goes Terribly Wrong!

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